I’m sure all of you have heard about the fact cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. But is this really true? Your heart is only good for so many beats and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Think about it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
There are all types of studies suggesting everyone should cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables. But what if you think about this factoring in the logistical efficiencies? What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables into your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
What about the concerns regarding trans-fat and fried foods? Aren’t fried foods bad for you? Most fried foods these days are cooked in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Is chocolate bad for you? Are you crazy? Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Should you reduce your alcohol intake? Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bits so you get even more of the goodness. It’s like drinking fruit concentrate. Beer is made out of grain. Cheers!
Worried about your BMI (body mass index)? How do you calculate your body/fat ratio? Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. According to the National Institute of Health you’re good up to a BMI of 25 so don’t sweat it.
Speaking of sweat, are there some advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? One philosophy is “No pain, no gain.” Since when is pain a good thing? The philosophy should be “No pain…keep doing what you are doing.”
A what about all those fad ab workouts? Will sit-ups or an ab-buster workout help prevent you from getting a little soft around the middle? Think about it. When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. And swimming, forget it. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food, diets and exercise.
And remember: ‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride!”
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Marc “Wiggy” Kovacs
Narrator of Nutritional Neurosis